BREAKING NEWS!

Drudge gets up close and personal.

Angora Rabbits are so hot right now

Perhaps Jessica has been reading the old blog. Or maybe she was thinking, "Fuck you Nick Lachey. You stared at porn stars doin' it, so I'm going to go pay money to watch three dudes do penis tricks. Suck it."

Normally, I don't give a shit about the new Real World, but DUDE, Cuddle Cards??? I guess Shavonda's (ex)boyfriend Shaun "gushes over them." I was thinking, what is this cuddle card? Could it inspire some personal gushing? I'll let you be the judge. Also-- Shavonda? FYI: Landon looks like a turd with a curly combforward. I can only hope you will not touch his nether regions this season.

Also, in my favorite sort of news-- the who gives a shit kind-- Liza Minelli is EN FUEGO!! First, she began beating up her lady friend ex-husband David Gest. Now, her personal assistant is suing her for beating the shit out of him. She also got crazy at an Outkast party in North Carolina (Third item from bottom). I wonder who she beat up there. Big Boi, perhaps?

Britney tags a clothing store.

Um.

Does that P.S. say "B-Wicked"?

NSFW central.

While Good Plastic Surgery extols the virtues of well done boob jobs, Tara Reid subjected the American public to a really ugly boob (NSFW). I wonder how she didn't notice that shit hanging out all over the place. Seriously. Here's a film of it (via Gawker).
And not to be outdone, at the same party, Paris took it a step further. Could someone get this girl a pair of undies, please? (NSFW)

Fighting Words.

The Postal Service vs. the United States Postal Service.

Who wins?

Who cares?

Now I'm just confused.

Isn't smoking bad for babies?

Polaroid advises you not to shake it.

Just lay that shit flat.

Or, keep that shit in. WARNING, GROSS.

Eff the red states.

Even though the state of Brintey's ovaries won't make me feel better about how shitty most of this country(red states-- I mean you) is, it is a welcome distraction from yesterday's "moral" election.

bombs away......

Blind items from Popbitch:
Which pregnant pop star gets her implants removed during pregnancy so her naturally swollen breasts don't balloon too massively? After the sprog pops out, the implants go back in.

Which star of Desperate Housewives used to deal drugs to fellow students while at college? The star was so successful that they even had business cards printed with a pager number and company name – Little Buddha.

Gawker assures that Page Six has reported that Shar Jackson is yammering about Britney being totally and absolutely preggo.

Apparently, Star's rundown last week of the dirty details of Nick Lachey's penchant for drooling while staring at lesbian porn stars doing it at Bachelor parties is totally untrue.

Bill Murray, I love you.

This made me so excited I peed just a little bit. I'm joking. But really, this just makes me so excited. I would probably be a little more excited if he was doing James and the Giant Peach, but whatevs. The Life Aquatic is out December 25th nationwide.

I blame it, like most everything bad, on U2.

I keep reading about all of these funky updates Apple is making to the automatic downloads that pop up (at least on my computer) for the Ipod and I'm getting a little creeped out. It's always pissed me off a bit that I can't use my Ipod like a hard drive and put the music back on my computer from my Ipod after I erase it off of the computer's hard drive. Because of this, I haven't downloaded the Itunes Music Update 4.7. Is this bad or good? I'm thinking it is a good decision.

Anyway, for those of you with Ipods that are maybe as creeped out as I am, here are some nice Ipod related links:

The source of my concern.

The great battery conspiracy. (totally true, by the way) To avoid the ridiculous charges from Mac, buy your own battery and replace it yourself.

Craft an external Ipod battery in a card case. Or make one out of an Altoid box. Shit... why not make a Universal remote out of it?

Forget the transfer music back and forth problem; use Open Pod.

Please go vote for Kerry.

Just a one fingered victory salute.

Ghouls, goblins, Lymphogranuloma venereum.

please note TOM GREEN over Nicki's shoulder

What the world needs now is a new STD. Especially something that causes intestinal bleeding, genital ulcers, and inflammation of the colon. Luckliy, it can be cured by a three week course of antibiotics or prevented by avoiding hot tubs. ZING!

I'm so excited.

Three things that I love:
1. Craigslist
2. Owen Meany (in turn, see #3)
3. The tiny people from Australia



On santabarbara.craigslist it seems like the sketchy shit in therapeutic services has very little to do with happy ending masseuses or people who telepathically communicate with animals. There's a dude on there that just won't let up. He really wants a "massage."

In his first post, he is looking to find a masseuse that is not only female, but also in shape. Hmm. A little weird, but whatevs, right? No. One of his next lines is, "No need to be sore any longer than necessary. Right?" DUDE IS A FREAK.

In what I can only assume is his second post, five days later, he straddles the fine line between creepy and lecherous. In an attempt to counteract his creepy post, he indicates he is a Gentleman.

Again, 8 days later, he posts again. Only this time, he has an arrangement for a caring, female massuese.

At this point in my reading, I started wondering if he was a cop trolling for hookers, or a really horny old dude who wants a serious bonerfied rubdown. There has to be more posts, right? This guy was not going to give up.

He didn't. He had to give it one last try.

Allerca | The Hypo-Allergenic Cat

It's so weird they don't show you what they look like.

Semi-militant grammarians, UNITE!

Which would be gramatically correct here: Stabbing your gay lover with a pair of scissors? Or stabbing your gay lover with a Scissors?

Bjork the new Sinead? Stereogum brings it.

John Norris is so 1992

Laura urges Teresa to "talk to the hand."

This little blurb from Gawker Stalker further proves that no one is in touch with the fact that Kurt Loder is the semi-retired-but-still occasionally-paraded-out-for-news-spots VJ worth anything:

John Norris was at the Union Square East Starbucks with a very, very, very young boy toy. The boy was still struggling to make it through puberty and could not have been older than 18 perhaps, to be generous, 20. John sat very close to the lad, placng his knee between his crotch. The boy was gushing about his friend's reaction to the fact that 'John Norris was his boyfriend.' He said 'They all keep saying, when is John Norris (yes, he used his first and last name) coming over?' John was blushing and loving the attention."

"They're drooling on themselves sometimes, their motor function is so bad." Beware of California motorists under the influence of Kava. This means you, Britney and Kevin.

And I'm going to name my kid Mike Hunt.

Ashlee explains herself: it's acid REFUX, people.
(I promise, in like two days, I will forget about Ashlee Simpson and not post about her again, unless I see something about her acid reflux acting up again... or if I can find those pictures of her and Ryan making out at the airport.)

We are the Village Green Preservation Society

Al Green forgot to pull his pockets out to complete his Elephant impersonation. Fans of Grandmother's Tongue, Brain, and The Turtle (Totes NSFW) everywhere were disappointed.

Perhaps if Milli Vanilli would have had the foresight to blame their lack of singing talent on Acid Reflux disease, they could have ushered in pharmaceutical sponsorship years and years ago. Maybe Color Me Badd could have gotten sponsored by Cialis.

This article makes it seem like Kevin and Britney are drinking all of the fucking Kava on the island. Again, somebody, please warn Britney about the Cheetos. Orange babies are so not awesome.

I'm lovin' it.

I love Craigslist.

Especially in other cities.

Botching the sequence.

Anyone catch Ashlee "Milli Vanilli" Simpson on SNL last night? It is maybe the funniest thing that has happened on that show in forever. If you missed it, here's a mac and pc friendly link to the debacle. I can't even tell if the band was fake playing like she was fake singing. What was up with the one hand up crotch out dancing thing? She should stick to the gumboot/popeye-the-sailor-man dancing she starts doing once she realizes her cover was blown. Discuss. Also, please check out pics of Milli Vanilli Simpson at the afterparty. Please take special note of Joe Simpson (5th row down, second over) looking like he might choke a bitch. Smashing!

UPDATE!
"What really happened." via Gossiplist. Also, Ashlee is threatening to delete everything on the website... read it.

Prince Harry is the new Sean Penn.

AP Photo/Charlie Pycraft

WalMart's remains the bastion of Christian modesty by electing to not carry Jon Stewart's book, America in their brick and mortar retail outlets due to images of naked Supreme Court justices inside. This does not preclude smutty Wal-mart.com from selling said naked bookonline.