John Norris is so 1992

Laura urges Teresa to "talk to the hand."

This little blurb from Gawker Stalker further proves that no one is in touch with the fact that Kurt Loder is the semi-retired-but-still occasionally-paraded-out-for-news-spots VJ worth anything:

John Norris was at the Union Square East Starbucks with a very, very, very young boy toy. The boy was still struggling to make it through puberty and could not have been older than 18 perhaps, to be generous, 20. John sat very close to the lad, placng his knee between his crotch. The boy was gushing about his friend's reaction to the fact that 'John Norris was his boyfriend.' He said 'They all keep saying, when is John Norris (yes, he used his first and last name) coming over?' John was blushing and loving the attention."

"They're drooling on themselves sometimes, their motor function is so bad." Beware of California motorists under the influence of Kava. This means you, Britney and Kevin.

And I'm going to name my kid Mike Hunt.

Ashlee explains herself: it's acid REFUX, people.
(I promise, in like two days, I will forget about Ashlee Simpson and not post about her again, unless I see something about her acid reflux acting up again... or if I can find those pictures of her and Ryan making out at the airport.)