"JenniPHER, you look as if you've had a quaalude."

Are you a male between the ages of 18 and 30? Do you like older ladies? Have you got a hankering for criminals? Courtney is looking for a date.

Someone should warn Britney that too many Cheetos will turn her baby's skin orange.


AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL:

Tonight on America's Next Top Model, Kelle turned into Zoolander. Except every time she looked in the mirror, she cried. Then, she pointed out her "snout" to Toccara and pointed at the area around her mouth. Kelle-- a snout is the area around your nose. Correct me if I'm wrong here, but wouldn't that be considered jowls? Let's keep it together, Kelle. For reals. You should have gotten the boot. Especially after this botched breast examination pic. But whatevs. Yaya better win. And I hope they bring Simon Doonan back... last year, he suggested one contestant had borrowed an outfit from some hookers. This time? Suggesting JenniPHER had taken downers. Come on, man, what type of girl would write ANTM on her ass and take Ambien? JenniPHER? Nay, I say. Nay. Simon clearly missed that lovely presentation the week before. Also, I would like to thank Tyra and her other producers for showing Toccara and Kelle actually eating. Could this be paving the way for next weeks reveal about Cassie the stripper student's eating disorder?

Again, if you are not watching this show, you should be ( as well you should be watching the epic LAGUNA BEACH); ANTM has repeats on Friday at 9/8 on UPN.

Please also continue sitting on your hands.... the OC returns on Nov 2.