Yowsers.

freaks.

Courtney Love's Big Words

photo by Jeff Vespa

Main Entry: ex·pro·pri·ate
Pronunciation: ek-'sprO-prE-"At
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): -at·ed; -at·ing
Etymology: Medieval Latin expropriatus, past participle of expropriare, from Latin ex- + proprius own
1 : to deprive of possession or proprietary rights
2 : to transfer (the property of another) to one's own possession

Una vez que te quise, fue por el pelo.

"Respectfully, sir -- you know we're always respectful -- in your statement this morning with President Hu, you seemed a little off your game, you seemed to hurry through your statement. There was a lack of enthusiasm. Was something bothering you?

President Bush answered, ""Have you ever heard of jet lag? Well, good. That answers your question."

Clearly, he's a fucking idiot.

Gross

The cat with two tongues.

A Congress of Boobies.

yes, that's brad pitt and frank gehry.

I think this may be the best Santa Barbara Craigslist posting ever... forget about the weird dude that wanted to give lady rubdowns. You want body powder? You got a dollar? Click here.

Not again...

MAKE IT STOP
MAKE IT STOP

Spring Forward, Fall Back.

Being awake this early on a Sunday does have its advantages... I think of things I always wonder about but have never heard anyone give a satisfying response to or things I forget about almost as quickly as I thought of them. For instance, why do we have daylight saving time? It really seems weird to set your clocks back an entire hour (I do like the extra hour of sleep) and then set it forward in the springtime (I hate waking up earlier)-- it's like time indecision. But after doing some nice research on one of my favorite websites, Wikipedia, I have a partial answer (the whole answer is long, convoluted, and involves too many countries and laws to mention here).
Interestingly, Ben Franklin, in a letter to some important literary types wondered why people didn't go to sleep earlier and also wake up earlier. This was a long ass time ago. Afterwards, some freak took it on himself to get a law passed that put this in effect in the UK. The British governement was opposed to the idea. Naturally, the Germans thought it was great and instituted this stupid practice during WWI. The changes and other places this spread to can be read about here, if you care.
Some people think DST is great because we conserve more energy and adjust sleep patterns to maximize the number of hours spent awake with the number of hours of daylight. I guess this increases physical activity and "productivity".
Succinctly, I think it sucks.

Aww little Cletus Cheeto Spederline is on his way out.

Bless.

A battle of epic proportions

Who loves really good bad jokes?

Q: What do you call a boomerang that
doesn't come back?

A: A stick.

Victoria Beckham

AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!

"George Bush doesn't care about black people."

When Mike Meyers gets uncomfortable, he rubs his eye.

Thank God for Kanye West on NBC last night. Sure, he's prone to freak outs, but his two most recent media excursions-- first about sexual intolerance and now about the obvious racism that is ruling the Katrina relief effort (see above Mac friendly link)-- have been awesome... hands down. Not to say that this tragedy shouldn't be viewed without race as a filter, it's pretty obvious that if this happened in a predominately white or affluent area that the lack of real support wouldn't have happened. On top of this, why the fuck is it taking so long to help these people out? In the overall scheme of stellar responses to tragedies on the part of a nation, this rates as the worst.
Also, if you haven't heard about the Mayor of New Orleans' radio interview or Anderson Cooper's AWESOME response during another interview, check out this link to both from Wonkette, courtesy of Gawker.

Dood.

Sometimes I feel like I'm behind the times on stuff... like the other day when I watched Jurassic Park for the first time and couldn't understand why I'd never seen it before. That's right. The first one. Hadn't seen it. Ok. Anyway, when I came across these the other day, I was wondering why I hadn't heard of them before. Or even this (way better than sticking asinine bumper stickers on other people's cars, right?). Who wouldn't love to give either as a gift?

She keeps the Moet and Chandon in a pretty cabinet

I nearly exploded yesterday when My Super Sweet Sixteen came on after Laguna Beach. I had no idea the new season was starting. And while the subject of the episode-- Sophia-- seems to have arisen straight from the depths of bitch hell, I loved the whole episode, even though my jaw was open the whole episode in feigned horror. How do kids get like that?


Is it the result of really, really shitty parenting?

Spending too much time on boats?

I guess I'm totally mystified by her obsession with power (she brings it up whenever she gets a chance to talk about herself or the party... nearly the whole time); it seems as if she's mostly interested in bullying, not "power". The scene with the invitations was mortifying... I highly urge any of you have not seen it yet to Tivo that shit or find out when MTV will re-air the episode.

Her MySpace profile. She seems normal enough?

Catch Up

I really, really love magazines. The stacks and stacks in my living room attest to this. While I have become increasingly more picky about the sort of magazine I subscribe to, I am certainly not above a magazine like Instyle. Laugh all you want... I like the full length shots of starlets wearing really, really fancy dresses. I didn't realize that with the subscription, an additional magazine called Instyle Makeover would come along in the mail. Whatevs... pictures of the same old haircut, same old matchy matchy bag and shoe combinations are abundant. In the back, however, is a section that covers--to the point of smothering--the before and after phenomena of tools and creams that promise the usual: bigger boobs, fuller lips, and more shapely brows. However, this covers two "beauty items" I shudder to think of in use: glue-on toenails courtesy of Revlon (pg. 135 for those of you following along), clip-on teeth that aren't for Halloween from Manhattan Dental Arts (pg. 137). While I can see the use of both-- someone has to use these, right?-- the clip on toenails seem downright clownish and the clip-on teeth are almost like a venture into dentures.

Remember this kid from that MTV show "I Want A Famous Face"? He and his brother wanted to look more like Brad Pitt. Voila.

Shut the fuck up. Fantasy Fashion League? You mean like Fantasy Football without the footballs and with clothes?

Does your cat lazily paw at cupboards, looking for snacks? Does he lay around all day, taking naps and stretching? Get that tub of lard in shape with CATAGILITY.

Worst post ever?

So, the new season of Laguna Beach started on Monday... I'll admit I am more than entranced. Considering I obsessively watched the show and nearly every marathon since last year, you can imagine how excited I was on Monday. But my excitement on Monday couldn't hold a candle to breaking news on Gawker this past week... Lo has a webshots page. Her handle is sexybiatch101. She seems to have a penchant for kissy faces, sunglasses, beverage, and fake names.

McDonald's Trip Planner.

Dressing to enhance your portrait; more important than eating breakfast in the morning? Debateable.

This thing lets you record anything you want onto vinyl. Nice.

Kid on the right...

It could have been a brilliant career.

While some people might accuse me of being cold and elitist, there are certain written grammatical atrocities that make me wince. For instance, the improper use of several words: they're, their, and there (and there's and theirs for that matter). You may be thinking, "Who the hell gets those three confused?" Who cares? On with my point...

They're:
This is only to be used in the case of a conjunction the word they and are. So, if you can break the two words out, use they're. For instance:
They're expecting she'll do Stevie Wonder impersonations all night.

Say you're referring to that same group, only in the past tense. Use the two words separately and spare your reader the confusion:
They were expecting her to do Stevie Wonder impersonations all night, but realized she was more interested in visiting with the cat.

There:
For the sake of ease and clarity, let's just say that there should be used to 1. refer to something that is off in the distance or 2. to establish a beginning for your sentence.
Example 1- It's over there, you ghastly beast.
Example 2-There once was a man from Nantucket...

Their:
If it belongs to at least two people (sometimes not literally), it is theirs. Really, this extends to most everything you could think about. But, if you find yourself getting into the habit of using their as a neuter reference, stop. I'm serious. It is soooooo annoying. Use his, him, her, or hers. Really. Now onto my examples:
Their smelly, dirty dog infested the carpet with fleas.
Their loud hippie songs made my insides hurt.

God bless.

For those of you as annoyed as I have been since Page Six set up their horrible registration page that oftentimes just does not work, I offer you the blog version... all the same shit, without the registration and with pictures! I updated the sidebar, too.
Speaking of updating sidebars, what the hell happened to Luxury Fashion Forum? I feel like I have been robbed of really petty gossip and totally obsessive discussions on Balenciaga handbags. Blah blah blah.
And while I think this is the work of a totally obsessed, overly anxious dude, I have to point you all in the direction of this Beckham nude. The attention to detail is truly amazing-- except the herpes... they missed the herpes.

May the Force be with you.

Have you seen this shit? Watch Mayor McCrazy get Sith on Oprah about Pickles. Extra special thanks to Golden Fiddle for, perhaps, the finest nickname ever given.

BTW, does anyone have a Mac friendly link of Crazypants vs. Matt Lauer from the Today show last week? I missed it. SAD.

Face-off

My fellow blogger, nee Lil' Goosechip, brought a fascinating website to my attention: Face Analyzer.

I love websites like this.

I take the Meyers-Briggs all the time to see how much my personality has changed from year to year. But this website, it takes the cheese in terms of being weird and impressive. Naturally, like horoscopes, we take what we want to hear and pretend the rest is for other unlucky people. Or in my case, pretend the rest is for some doppelganger of mine--a Chinese man. A Chinese man that makes between 50 and 100k. The site says I'm 1. Chinese and 2. a dude.

Upload your own pic and let me know what it says about you.

jesus loves you more than you will know

WTF?

Primary reason why this didn't wind up being the iTunes or iPod commercial: it makes you feel like you're going to be killed in your sleep by a creepy puppet dictator.

It's vs. its

Let's settle it:

It's signifies a contracted version of two words, ie "it is" or "it has". Basically, if you can break out the contracted "It's" within a sentence, your usage is correct:
"It's already happened." becomes "It has already happened."
"It's not my fault." becomes "It is not my fault."

Its signifies a possessive... it's a possessive pronoun that implies ownership or involvement within itself. It is also a neuter way of saying his or hers. For example:
A team is only as strong as its members.

I will never ever forget the time my history teacher in high school called me out in front of the entire class because of my misuse of the words it's and its in my hastily crafted papers on Chinese history. While this episode is still fresh in my mind, it dawned on me the other day that despite that embarassing episode, I could not remember which was which.

Courtney Love's big words

Main Entry: ne·ol·o·gism
Pronunciation: nE-'ä-l&-"ji-z&m
Function: noun
Etymology: French néologisme, from ne- + log- + -isme -ism
1 : a new word, usage, or expression
2 : a meaningless word coined by a psychotic

In the same way Monica Lewinsky's surname became a neologism for blow jobs, getting a stranger to lick your breast outside of Wendy's will heretofore be known as "Pulling a Courtney."

Gross, sick, and disgusting

I've been sort of sitting on this link for a little while. I got it a couple of weeks back and was so dumbfounded, I just wasn't sure whether it was ethically irresponisble of me to post it or whether that line had already been crossed in Linklater's Slacker when Madonna's Pap Smear was being hawked on the street (you know that really happened). I came to a conclusion: as long as I don't condone it, it is maybe a little bit ok. Or basically, once I post it and really start feeling badly about it, I will take it down and post more about kittens. We'll see. You be the judge. And as far as I can tell, it is totally legit. Celebrity Skin... totally disgusting and affordable.
This however, is beautiful and FREE!!!
And while I'm on it, I have to post about the lady with the finger at Wendy's. As it turns out, her husband got it for FREE from a kid that lost his finger at a job site. I guess he owed the lady's husband $50. The fingerless kid's mom's response? "My son is a happy-go-lucky guy. He thought it was cute to show" the severed finger, Shouey said. "It's like a man thing." WTF?

Matthew Drudge, you are so epic.

J-E-A-L-O-U-S

Don't be jealous just beacuse my gato is better than yours.

Gruyere cheese smells like armpits.

Why is speech software so radical? While I used to spend a great deal of time on Lil Goosechip's original IMAC utilizing all of the really amazing voices that came standard n his Speech program, I think this new software takes the cake. See, it has names for different regional voices-- in both male and female forms-- and one might argue that the bevy of male and female "American" options relates directly to caucasian, latino, and african inflections. I challenge you to figure out which is which. I also would encourage you to have Rosa or Alberto swear in Spanish. And while the "Create a link" to this audio might seem like a fun thing to email out to people you know, it probably isn't the best idea considering the link expires within 5 minutes.

So sad.

This:

Leads to this:



How they met.

How to Blog properly.

Is there an online tutorial site that isn't written in Geek that I could read to understand how to fully develop my personal website into an homage to my obese cat, Simba? I'm serious. Everything I've read about registering, hosting, and FTP-ing a website is one of the most mystifying things I have ever tried to understand. It almost seems like everything I've ever read skips steps and I'm left wondering what the hell is going on. Anyone? Anyone? I've tried Webmonkey... the FTP thing is really what is totally discombobulating.


Also, check out this guy's website... soooo BEST!
Also, a quick little FYI.... Oprah is NOT a mom as she might have you believe from the clip. A friend of mine was at the taping and she is talking about her dogs.

What kind of name is Hudson, anyway?

Britney's truth: can you handle it?* That being said, I seriously cannot wait to see the show and Shar's response to it the very next day on the Insider with Pat O'Brien. oooooh.

"That guy has pee on his pants." Please read the epic interviw with Jay McCarrol, winner of Project Runway. Some more notable quotes: "did you see Sideways or read the new JT Leroy" and I'm like, what do you need that for when you can just sit outside and listen to some freak in a pickup truck listen to some weird Julio Iglesias music." Or how about when he meets the sister of one of the Proenza Schouler and says, after she informs him she has never received free clothing because they can't afford it, "That doesn't matter. If you made cookies for a living? Wouldn't you give your brother free cookies?" Google him for more fascinating revelations about what sort of things you wear when you are from the woods.

While I was reading this article about Renee Zellweger claiming that photographers slim her down in order to sell pictures, I laughed. I laughed because I'm an awful awful person. I also laughed because what sort of toucher upper would slim down her body and forget about her cheeks? Sorry. It's not nice. But I can't help it....

* Truth being the real nature of cheetos, and their crunchy and satisfying deliciousness. Yum!

meow meow meow

When I decided to go to college back east, there were some changes I was prepared for-- like the shitty weather and overzealous celebration of sunny days-- one of the things I wasn't prepared for was the sort of regional descriptive dialect that made me wonder what the hell everyone was talking about. Tag sales? Grinders? There is definitely other crap that I just can't remember right now... anyway, it seems like those "what the hell are you talking about" moments are few and far between now... As a matter of fact, until today, I haven't had one in a while.
All this time, when I would lay scarves and tiny tiny pillows and snacks on my fat cat, I always figured it was a sort of pet Jenga. Little did I know, this lovely practice of seeing how many lightweight things you can lay on your pet before it gets up is called Buckaroo.

putos putos-gali.

If, like me, you enjoy drawing pigs and also love personality tests, this is like the end all be all of pig drawing personality testing sites. Go here and draw some pigs to learn more about yourself.

skin conditions

Have you been following ANTM this season? Blah blah blah Michelle-- the bottle blonde with impetigo. Last episode, her impetigo really erupted and all of the girls freaked out and made up stories about how she had flesh eating bacteria-- the typical bitch girl type shit. The ANTM lj has a whole entry dedicated to it... and a link to this site with the most horrendous looking skin conditions I have ever seen. I'm serious. You'll maybe barf. For reals.

In other awesome UPN show news, Britney Federline and spouse are getting their own reality show. While this has potential to be the best thing ever, it could also be as horrible as that "we're married" show with Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra on MTV that got cancelled shortly after Dave got a colonic and asked the technician if she thought he was sexy.

Or worse, the piece of turd featuring Cameron Diaz called, appropriately enough, Trippin'.

Ice skating..... so hot right now.

Recent news about the change in AOL's instant messenger's rules and regulations-- basically, that they can read, sell, or do whatever the hell they want with your instant messages promises to leave millions of teenagers who IM about school, what a slut Anita is, and tests totally, totally, like freaked out.

I'm a huge fan of SmartWater and VitaminWater, but this shit makes me irritated. Borba? This is supposed to make your skin look better? Why not drink some fresh water and cut back on the greasy shit?

Try it.

Another amazing Myspace pic... Fight on, indeed.

Pirate Pig

Pirate Pig

smokin!

While we all can recognize that smoking is a dangerous, destructive, albeit semi-enjoyable horrendous habit that should be promoted under no circumstance, I couldn't help it. I had to post this... it's from a Japanese magazine called Boon. If you know what it says, please post in the comments.

I'm a Cuckoo

Read his diary. Download a song.

Yo no soy mentirosa.

Well, well, well. The Sun is now reporting that Brad and Jen are living together again. While this news is uninteresting because it has no rumored lesbian dalliances or mystery men in Greece, I have to give kudos to the Sun for never verifying their reporting... Like that story I linked to a couple of days ago about J. Lo. being preggo. They should seriously consider creating a tagline for their paper like how the NYT's is 'Without Friend or Foe," the Sun's should be "We just make shit up. Deal."

Michael Jackson is absolutely repulsive.

In weird monkey related news, yesterday morning on GMA, there was a story about a horrible attack on a husband and wife who were visiting their pet chimp at an animal sanctuary here in California. On Boing Boing, there is a monkey attack story that is a little intense. I knew a guy in college that got mauled by a monkey in a pet store, too. WTF is up with the monkeys?

While Myspace hasn't totally made me want to leave Friendster, what with all the grossness I encounter all the time, the friends of friends' photo albums are certainly amazing... take this little gem, for instance: a naked girl with a lit candle in the crack of her ass (it's actually quite brilliant).

Have I posted this already? Little kid music reviews.

Also weird, but full of potential: powdered lemon. Sort of like salt, but obvs, it's lemon. I don't even know where to start on this one. Totally amazing and special or totally dumb and weird? I can't wait to get my sample and dump it in my Coke. Go ahead... say it... I know you're thinking it.... D-O-R-K.

Courtney Love's big words

Corpulent cor·pu·lent
Pronunciation: -l&nt
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin corpulentus, from corpus

: having a large bulky body : OBESE
- cor·pu·lent·ly adverb
Function: adjective

e.g.:
One could certainly explain Courtney Love's recent expansion into a more corpulent version of her former self as a sad marker of the end of an outside-of-Wendy's-boob-licking-era.