Dood.

Sometimes I feel like I'm behind the times on stuff... like the other day when I watched Jurassic Park for the first time and couldn't understand why I'd never seen it before. That's right. The first one. Hadn't seen it. Ok. Anyway, when I came across these the other day, I was wondering why I hadn't heard of them before. Or even this (way better than sticking asinine bumper stickers on other people's cars, right?). Who wouldn't love to give either as a gift?

She keeps the Moet and Chandon in a pretty cabinet

I nearly exploded yesterday when My Super Sweet Sixteen came on after Laguna Beach. I had no idea the new season was starting. And while the subject of the episode-- Sophia-- seems to have arisen straight from the depths of bitch hell, I loved the whole episode, even though my jaw was open the whole episode in feigned horror. How do kids get like that?


Is it the result of really, really shitty parenting?

Spending too much time on boats?

I guess I'm totally mystified by her obsession with power (she brings it up whenever she gets a chance to talk about herself or the party... nearly the whole time); it seems as if she's mostly interested in bullying, not "power". The scene with the invitations was mortifying... I highly urge any of you have not seen it yet to Tivo that shit or find out when MTV will re-air the episode.

Her MySpace profile. She seems normal enough?

Catch Up

I really, really love magazines. The stacks and stacks in my living room attest to this. While I have become increasingly more picky about the sort of magazine I subscribe to, I am certainly not above a magazine like Instyle. Laugh all you want... I like the full length shots of starlets wearing really, really fancy dresses. I didn't realize that with the subscription, an additional magazine called Instyle Makeover would come along in the mail. Whatevs... pictures of the same old haircut, same old matchy matchy bag and shoe combinations are abundant. In the back, however, is a section that covers--to the point of smothering--the before and after phenomena of tools and creams that promise the usual: bigger boobs, fuller lips, and more shapely brows. However, this covers two "beauty items" I shudder to think of in use: glue-on toenails courtesy of Revlon (pg. 135 for those of you following along), clip-on teeth that aren't for Halloween from Manhattan Dental Arts (pg. 137). While I can see the use of both-- someone has to use these, right?-- the clip on toenails seem downright clownish and the clip-on teeth are almost like a venture into dentures.

Remember this kid from that MTV show "I Want A Famous Face"? He and his brother wanted to look more like Brad Pitt. Voila.

Shut the fuck up. Fantasy Fashion League? You mean like Fantasy Football without the footballs and with clothes?

Does your cat lazily paw at cupboards, looking for snacks? Does he lay around all day, taking naps and stretching? Get that tub of lard in shape with CATAGILITY.

Worst post ever?

So, the new season of Laguna Beach started on Monday... I'll admit I am more than entranced. Considering I obsessively watched the show and nearly every marathon since last year, you can imagine how excited I was on Monday. But my excitement on Monday couldn't hold a candle to breaking news on Gawker this past week... Lo has a webshots page. Her handle is sexybiatch101. She seems to have a penchant for kissy faces, sunglasses, beverage, and fake names.

McDonald's Trip Planner.

Dressing to enhance your portrait; more important than eating breakfast in the morning? Debateable.

This thing lets you record anything you want onto vinyl. Nice.

Kid on the right...

It could have been a brilliant career.

While some people might accuse me of being cold and elitist, there are certain written grammatical atrocities that make me wince. For instance, the improper use of several words: they're, their, and there (and there's and theirs for that matter). You may be thinking, "Who the hell gets those three confused?" Who cares? On with my point...

They're:
This is only to be used in the case of a conjunction the word they and are. So, if you can break the two words out, use they're. For instance:
They're expecting she'll do Stevie Wonder impersonations all night.

Say you're referring to that same group, only in the past tense. Use the two words separately and spare your reader the confusion:
They were expecting her to do Stevie Wonder impersonations all night, but realized she was more interested in visiting with the cat.

There:
For the sake of ease and clarity, let's just say that there should be used to 1. refer to something that is off in the distance or 2. to establish a beginning for your sentence.
Example 1- It's over there, you ghastly beast.
Example 2-There once was a man from Nantucket...

Their:
If it belongs to at least two people (sometimes not literally), it is theirs. Really, this extends to most everything you could think about. But, if you find yourself getting into the habit of using their as a neuter reference, stop. I'm serious. It is soooooo annoying. Use his, him, her, or hers. Really. Now onto my examples:
Their smelly, dirty dog infested the carpet with fleas.
Their loud hippie songs made my insides hurt.

God bless.

For those of you as annoyed as I have been since Page Six set up their horrible registration page that oftentimes just does not work, I offer you the blog version... all the same shit, without the registration and with pictures! I updated the sidebar, too.
Speaking of updating sidebars, what the hell happened to Luxury Fashion Forum? I feel like I have been robbed of really petty gossip and totally obsessive discussions on Balenciaga handbags. Blah blah blah.
And while I think this is the work of a totally obsessed, overly anxious dude, I have to point you all in the direction of this Beckham nude. The attention to detail is truly amazing-- except the herpes... they missed the herpes.

May the Force be with you.

Have you seen this shit? Watch Mayor McCrazy get Sith on Oprah about Pickles. Extra special thanks to Golden Fiddle for, perhaps, the finest nickname ever given.

BTW, does anyone have a Mac friendly link of Crazypants vs. Matt Lauer from the Today show last week? I missed it. SAD.

Face-off

My fellow blogger, nee Lil' Goosechip, brought a fascinating website to my attention: Face Analyzer.

I love websites like this.

I take the Meyers-Briggs all the time to see how much my personality has changed from year to year. But this website, it takes the cheese in terms of being weird and impressive. Naturally, like horoscopes, we take what we want to hear and pretend the rest is for other unlucky people. Or in my case, pretend the rest is for some doppelganger of mine--a Chinese man. A Chinese man that makes between 50 and 100k. The site says I'm 1. Chinese and 2. a dude.

Upload your own pic and let me know what it says about you.

jesus loves you more than you will know

WTF?

Primary reason why this didn't wind up being the iTunes or iPod commercial: it makes you feel like you're going to be killed in your sleep by a creepy puppet dictator.

It's vs. its

Let's settle it:

It's signifies a contracted version of two words, ie "it is" or "it has". Basically, if you can break out the contracted "It's" within a sentence, your usage is correct:
"It's already happened." becomes "It has already happened."
"It's not my fault." becomes "It is not my fault."

Its signifies a possessive... it's a possessive pronoun that implies ownership or involvement within itself. It is also a neuter way of saying his or hers. For example:
A team is only as strong as its members.

I will never ever forget the time my history teacher in high school called me out in front of the entire class because of my misuse of the words it's and its in my hastily crafted papers on Chinese history. While this episode is still fresh in my mind, it dawned on me the other day that despite that embarassing episode, I could not remember which was which.

Courtney Love's big words

Main Entry: ne·ol·o·gism
Pronunciation: nE-'ä-l&-"ji-z&m
Function: noun
Etymology: French néologisme, from ne- + log- + -isme -ism
1 : a new word, usage, or expression
2 : a meaningless word coined by a psychotic

In the same way Monica Lewinsky's surname became a neologism for blow jobs, getting a stranger to lick your breast outside of Wendy's will heretofore be known as "Pulling a Courtney."

Gross, sick, and disgusting

I've been sort of sitting on this link for a little while. I got it a couple of weeks back and was so dumbfounded, I just wasn't sure whether it was ethically irresponisble of me to post it or whether that line had already been crossed in Linklater's Slacker when Madonna's Pap Smear was being hawked on the street (you know that really happened). I came to a conclusion: as long as I don't condone it, it is maybe a little bit ok. Or basically, once I post it and really start feeling badly about it, I will take it down and post more about kittens. We'll see. You be the judge. And as far as I can tell, it is totally legit. Celebrity Skin... totally disgusting and affordable.
This however, is beautiful and FREE!!!
And while I'm on it, I have to post about the lady with the finger at Wendy's. As it turns out, her husband got it for FREE from a kid that lost his finger at a job site. I guess he owed the lady's husband $50. The fingerless kid's mom's response? "My son is a happy-go-lucky guy. He thought it was cute to show" the severed finger, Shouey said. "It's like a man thing." WTF?

Matthew Drudge, you are so epic.

J-E-A-L-O-U-S

Don't be jealous just beacuse my gato is better than yours.

Gruyere cheese smells like armpits.

Why is speech software so radical? While I used to spend a great deal of time on Lil Goosechip's original IMAC utilizing all of the really amazing voices that came standard n his Speech program, I think this new software takes the cake. See, it has names for different regional voices-- in both male and female forms-- and one might argue that the bevy of male and female "American" options relates directly to caucasian, latino, and african inflections. I challenge you to figure out which is which. I also would encourage you to have Rosa or Alberto swear in Spanish. And while the "Create a link" to this audio might seem like a fun thing to email out to people you know, it probably isn't the best idea considering the link expires within 5 minutes.

So sad.

This:

Leads to this:



How they met.

How to Blog properly.

Is there an online tutorial site that isn't written in Geek that I could read to understand how to fully develop my personal website into an homage to my obese cat, Simba? I'm serious. Everything I've read about registering, hosting, and FTP-ing a website is one of the most mystifying things I have ever tried to understand. It almost seems like everything I've ever read skips steps and I'm left wondering what the hell is going on. Anyone? Anyone? I've tried Webmonkey... the FTP thing is really what is totally discombobulating.


Also, check out this guy's website... soooo BEST!
Also, a quick little FYI.... Oprah is NOT a mom as she might have you believe from the clip. A friend of mine was at the taping and she is talking about her dogs.