vegas; its not all donkey shows, hookers, and boobs.

This morning I woke up to some dude in a fishermans hat and a tank top in a harness violently slamming into my hotel room window. Stupidly, I decided to leave the blackout shades on my windows open so I could get a better view of the strip. So I got a real clear view of this dude's face slapping against my windows early in the morning, and I freaked out. Like full on leap out of bed freak out. I guess those plank like contraptions with two harnesses that you stand on are no longer popular here in Vegas when you wash the 22nd floor windows. This guy had on a single harness around his waist, like he was going to rappel down the side of the building. I called down to the front desk after the fourth or fifth slam and asked them about the man (I hadn't seen the squeegee yet); the chick on the phone went, "Um... yeah. We wash our windows. " Hi fancy hotel, TELL YOUR GUESTS ABOUT THE 7 AM NON-UNIFORMED WINDOW WASHERS THAT DON'T HAVE SQUEEGEES. I half expected him to whip out some plungers to suction cup himself the window and beat his head against my window some more. Seriously.

Later, I was watching tv, reading a magazine, and having breakfast (best to do all three at once, obvs). I was chewing on some eggs and reading about the Olsen twins whe I heard a familiar voice.... a girl I went to college with a while back. There she was on the TV screen, clicking away on a computer, talking how she talks, and showing the most fucked up, hilarious thing I've seen on network television. She was demonstrating the skills she had apparently learned at a local technical college: how to superimpose a man's face on a monkey head. The screen showed the gradual evolution (about 3 slides) of some dude's head into a hairy monkey face. Of best evs commercials, I would put this one in the top five because 1. I know the girl in it and 2. who goes, "Dude I want to go to that college where they teach you how to transplant human faces onto baboons. I'm going to make you Planet of the Apes, homie." Holler, I say. Holler.

I'm sure this week can only get better.