jesus loves you more than you will know

WTF?

Primary reason why this didn't wind up being the iTunes or iPod commercial: it makes you feel like you're going to be killed in your sleep by a creepy puppet dictator.

It's vs. its

Let's settle it:

It's signifies a contracted version of two words, ie "it is" or "it has". Basically, if you can break out the contracted "It's" within a sentence, your usage is correct:
"It's already happened." becomes "It has already happened."
"It's not my fault." becomes "It is not my fault."

Its signifies a possessive... it's a possessive pronoun that implies ownership or involvement within itself. It is also a neuter way of saying his or hers. For example:
A team is only as strong as its members.

I will never ever forget the time my history teacher in high school called me out in front of the entire class because of my misuse of the words it's and its in my hastily crafted papers on Chinese history. While this episode is still fresh in my mind, it dawned on me the other day that despite that embarassing episode, I could not remember which was which.

Courtney Love's big words

Main Entry: ne·ol·o·gism
Pronunciation: nE-'ä-l&-"ji-z&m
Function: noun
Etymology: French néologisme, from ne- + log- + -isme -ism
1 : a new word, usage, or expression
2 : a meaningless word coined by a psychotic

In the same way Monica Lewinsky's surname became a neologism for blow jobs, getting a stranger to lick your breast outside of Wendy's will heretofore be known as "Pulling a Courtney."

Gross, sick, and disgusting

I've been sort of sitting on this link for a little while. I got it a couple of weeks back and was so dumbfounded, I just wasn't sure whether it was ethically irresponisble of me to post it or whether that line had already been crossed in Linklater's Slacker when Madonna's Pap Smear was being hawked on the street (you know that really happened). I came to a conclusion: as long as I don't condone it, it is maybe a little bit ok. Or basically, once I post it and really start feeling badly about it, I will take it down and post more about kittens. We'll see. You be the judge. And as far as I can tell, it is totally legit. Celebrity Skin... totally disgusting and affordable.
This however, is beautiful and FREE!!!
And while I'm on it, I have to post about the lady with the finger at Wendy's. As it turns out, her husband got it for FREE from a kid that lost his finger at a job site. I guess he owed the lady's husband $50. The fingerless kid's mom's response? "My son is a happy-go-lucky guy. He thought it was cute to show" the severed finger, Shouey said. "It's like a man thing." WTF?

Matthew Drudge, you are so epic.

J-E-A-L-O-U-S

Don't be jealous just beacuse my gato is better than yours.

Gruyere cheese smells like armpits.

Why is speech software so radical? While I used to spend a great deal of time on Lil Goosechip's original IMAC utilizing all of the really amazing voices that came standard n his Speech program, I think this new software takes the cake. See, it has names for different regional voices-- in both male and female forms-- and one might argue that the bevy of male and female "American" options relates directly to caucasian, latino, and african inflections. I challenge you to figure out which is which. I also would encourage you to have Rosa or Alberto swear in Spanish. And while the "Create a link" to this audio might seem like a fun thing to email out to people you know, it probably isn't the best idea considering the link expires within 5 minutes.

So sad.

This:

Leads to this:



How they met.

How to Blog properly.

Is there an online tutorial site that isn't written in Geek that I could read to understand how to fully develop my personal website into an homage to my obese cat, Simba? I'm serious. Everything I've read about registering, hosting, and FTP-ing a website is one of the most mystifying things I have ever tried to understand. It almost seems like everything I've ever read skips steps and I'm left wondering what the hell is going on. Anyone? Anyone? I've tried Webmonkey... the FTP thing is really what is totally discombobulating.


Also, check out this guy's website... soooo BEST!
Also, a quick little FYI.... Oprah is NOT a mom as she might have you believe from the clip. A friend of mine was at the taping and she is talking about her dogs.

What kind of name is Hudson, anyway?

Britney's truth: can you handle it?* That being said, I seriously cannot wait to see the show and Shar's response to it the very next day on the Insider with Pat O'Brien. oooooh.

"That guy has pee on his pants." Please read the epic interviw with Jay McCarrol, winner of Project Runway. Some more notable quotes: "did you see Sideways or read the new JT Leroy" and I'm like, what do you need that for when you can just sit outside and listen to some freak in a pickup truck listen to some weird Julio Iglesias music." Or how about when he meets the sister of one of the Proenza Schouler and says, after she informs him she has never received free clothing because they can't afford it, "That doesn't matter. If you made cookies for a living? Wouldn't you give your brother free cookies?" Google him for more fascinating revelations about what sort of things you wear when you are from the woods.

While I was reading this article about Renee Zellweger claiming that photographers slim her down in order to sell pictures, I laughed. I laughed because I'm an awful awful person. I also laughed because what sort of toucher upper would slim down her body and forget about her cheeks? Sorry. It's not nice. But I can't help it....

* Truth being the real nature of cheetos, and their crunchy and satisfying deliciousness. Yum!

meow meow meow

When I decided to go to college back east, there were some changes I was prepared for-- like the shitty weather and overzealous celebration of sunny days-- one of the things I wasn't prepared for was the sort of regional descriptive dialect that made me wonder what the hell everyone was talking about. Tag sales? Grinders? There is definitely other crap that I just can't remember right now... anyway, it seems like those "what the hell are you talking about" moments are few and far between now... As a matter of fact, until today, I haven't had one in a while.
All this time, when I would lay scarves and tiny tiny pillows and snacks on my fat cat, I always figured it was a sort of pet Jenga. Little did I know, this lovely practice of seeing how many lightweight things you can lay on your pet before it gets up is called Buckaroo.

putos putos-gali.

If, like me, you enjoy drawing pigs and also love personality tests, this is like the end all be all of pig drawing personality testing sites. Go here and draw some pigs to learn more about yourself.

skin conditions

Have you been following ANTM this season? Blah blah blah Michelle-- the bottle blonde with impetigo. Last episode, her impetigo really erupted and all of the girls freaked out and made up stories about how she had flesh eating bacteria-- the typical bitch girl type shit. The ANTM lj has a whole entry dedicated to it... and a link to this site with the most horrendous looking skin conditions I have ever seen. I'm serious. You'll maybe barf. For reals.

In other awesome UPN show news, Britney Federline and spouse are getting their own reality show. While this has potential to be the best thing ever, it could also be as horrible as that "we're married" show with Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra on MTV that got cancelled shortly after Dave got a colonic and asked the technician if she thought he was sexy.

Or worse, the piece of turd featuring Cameron Diaz called, appropriately enough, Trippin'.

Ice skating..... so hot right now.

Recent news about the change in AOL's instant messenger's rules and regulations-- basically, that they can read, sell, or do whatever the hell they want with your instant messages promises to leave millions of teenagers who IM about school, what a slut Anita is, and tests totally, totally, like freaked out.

I'm a huge fan of SmartWater and VitaminWater, but this shit makes me irritated. Borba? This is supposed to make your skin look better? Why not drink some fresh water and cut back on the greasy shit?

Try it.

Another amazing Myspace pic... Fight on, indeed.

Pirate Pig

Pirate Pig

smokin!

While we all can recognize that smoking is a dangerous, destructive, albeit semi-enjoyable horrendous habit that should be promoted under no circumstance, I couldn't help it. I had to post this... it's from a Japanese magazine called Boon. If you know what it says, please post in the comments.

I'm a Cuckoo

Read his diary. Download a song.

Yo no soy mentirosa.

Well, well, well. The Sun is now reporting that Brad and Jen are living together again. While this news is uninteresting because it has no rumored lesbian dalliances or mystery men in Greece, I have to give kudos to the Sun for never verifying their reporting... Like that story I linked to a couple of days ago about J. Lo. being preggo. They should seriously consider creating a tagline for their paper like how the NYT's is 'Without Friend or Foe," the Sun's should be "We just make shit up. Deal."

Michael Jackson is absolutely repulsive.

In weird monkey related news, yesterday morning on GMA, there was a story about a horrible attack on a husband and wife who were visiting their pet chimp at an animal sanctuary here in California. On Boing Boing, there is a monkey attack story that is a little intense. I knew a guy in college that got mauled by a monkey in a pet store, too. WTF is up with the monkeys?

While Myspace hasn't totally made me want to leave Friendster, what with all the grossness I encounter all the time, the friends of friends' photo albums are certainly amazing... take this little gem, for instance: a naked girl with a lit candle in the crack of her ass (it's actually quite brilliant).

Have I posted this already? Little kid music reviews.

Also weird, but full of potential: powdered lemon. Sort of like salt, but obvs, it's lemon. I don't even know where to start on this one. Totally amazing and special or totally dumb and weird? I can't wait to get my sample and dump it in my Coke. Go ahead... say it... I know you're thinking it.... D-O-R-K.

Courtney Love's big words

Corpulent cor·pu·lent
Pronunciation: -l&nt
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin corpulentus, from corpus

: having a large bulky body : OBESE
- cor·pu·lent·ly adverb
Function: adjective

e.g.:
One could certainly explain Courtney Love's recent expansion into a more corpulent version of her former self as a sad marker of the end of an outside-of-Wendy's-boob-licking-era.